I somehow realized that I've become this person who self-sabotages my way out of success. This isn't just about my career, this is about everything that happens inside of my life that's good. I was reading The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks and when he mentioned the Upper Limit Problem, I knew my accountability in what has happened in my life.
The Upper Limit problem is the limit that you allow yourself to feel happy and successful. Think of it as a comfort zone. Gay Hendricks says we have a limited capacity of feeling good. Therefore, we sabotage ourselves to reach beyond what we know.
When I read that, I knew this has been my issue. I've only known what I've known, and in fact, will cut myself down in order to feel where I'm comfortable. And the actions I take are self-sabotaging. Think of it like when you think your partner is cheating when you've had a really good day/week/month so you do the most like search their email, their phone, ask particular questions to try and get the answer that simply won't be there. I do this in my life, 360. And now, that my life has somewhat turned on its head, I see where I am accountable. I've created so many roadblocks for my own self, no one is actively blocking me, and in turn, I've created chaos.
I've been this kind of person to reach a certain level of success but actively cut myself down as if I'm not worth the success or praise. It's been to the point where people have called it out and I've had to be accountable for my self-deprecating attitude. It's embarrassing. I've also sabotaged my relationships because I don't think I deserve that level of happiness; I'll actively seek out issues or problems, create realities around them and prove myself right... that I don't deserve to be happy.
It sounds insane, doesn't it?
But, sometimes, it takes calling it something to create awareness and validity in one's actions. And girl, that's exactly what I see. I'm totally accountable for creating my own success and my own demise. I must reach higher, accept what I'm hustling for and believe I deserve the best in the world.
Do you ever feel like you don't deserve the kind of life you dream of? Or feel like maybe the life you have isn't enough? It's so scary right? That your mind can have that much power over your heart.
I started reciting a mantra that has helped me reconfigure my thinking:
I am a foundation. I am a vessel.
over and over and over.
So, friends, I'd love if we can do this together, yea?
all my love.